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If you raised your hand, you’re just like me. When I go to the barn, I get lost in the art of currying and snuggling my horse, trying to perfect my leg yields, and cantering poles until I’m the next Laine Ashker, ready to hit every distance and looking awesome while doing it.
The barn is my happy place. I interact perfectly with my barn family, casually laughing and shouting something across the arena and hoping they hear me. Being with them is easy because we all are united in our love for horses and being part of this home away from home.
Once upon a time I was dating a boy, and when we first started dating I owned zero horses. I was on a hiatus from riding…and I was miserable. Fast forward a bit, and I went from zero horses to two horses.
The poor guy had no idea what he had gotten himself into. Gone were our long hours of spending time together, because the barn consumed my time. He was a good sport, and offered to come to the barn with me whenever his schedule allowed, but over time, a strain on our relationship developed.
“I feel like you’re putting me on a shelf,” he said, his voice filled with months of frustration. I remember looking at him, absolutely shocked. I had known something was bothering him, but had no idea what. I started wracking my brain, thinking of a time when perhaps I accidentally brushed him aside. Nope, still nothing. So I asked him to explain.
He told me that at the barn, it’s all about my horses or my friends, and he felt like he faded into the background.
I can’t say that I had paid enough attention to my behavior to acknowledge whether he was right or wrong. So I apologized and told him I would do my best to solve the problem. Whenever we went to the barn, I made an effort to include him; I introduced him to my barn friends, taught him about the horses, and tried to bridge the gap.
If your significant other is feeling like they’ve been cast aside, it’s important to take an introspective look at your relationship…and yourself. Are you having them come out to the barn with you only to ignore them? Do they have enough activities to stay occupied? Because, I hate to break it to you, muggles don’t find dressage, or even jumping, nearly as interesting as we do.
Having your significant other bring a book, install a fun game on their phone, or something else to keep them occupied can go a long way in keeping them entertained while you’re riding. If they’re interested, you can teach them how to groom, explain what you’re trying to achieve while you’re riding, or have them take a video of your ride. Every muggle is different, so communication is key to solving this potential problem.
Neglect is not an enjoyable feeling. For some couples, it is an easy fix with a little bit of communication and compromise, but in other cases, things don’t always work out. I guess that’s why they say you need to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.
By Ashley Harvey
Pedegru
7 years, 5 months ago
Pedegru posted:
We have long been believers in like likes like...so what's it mean? We've drilled down and believe that, by in large, not only do horse people like, and prefer, horse people, but dog, cat, and many other pet type owners, like the people who like what they like. Natural actually, don't you think?
If I like German Shepherds I'm going to be a lot more comfortable dating someone who does too. Is it going to solely determine who I'll date, okay, probably not in the end but will it at least influence it? Yep! Why? Well, there have been some pretty epic arguments about what kind of dog a couple wants to invite into their homes. I love the Shepherd and it's going to be pretty hard to convince me that I want another type of dog. Debates ensue, positioning begins, and finally the hurt feelings and more lively 'debates' about what the best breeds are rears its ugly head.
Pedegru
7 years, 5 months ago
Pedegru posted:
But what if I found someone who loves Shepherds and also loves me? Nirvana right? But, at the very least, I need to be with someone who gets dog ownership. There are plenty of people who don't but we're working hard to change that! Regardless, facts are, not everyone likes an animal in the house, or barn...or even barns...and it's going to cause friction. Maybe it doesn't have to.
This is one of the premises behind Pedegru and Pedegru Dating. First, decide how important having a pet in your life is. A LOT. Then start thinking about at least dating someone who embraces Pet ownership (I can tell you that's an absolute must and if you don't think it is - your cray-cray). Then decide if it needs to stay Species Specific (and I'm at least 60% on the side that it does). Maybe you love dogs but really don't love cats. What if the girl you think you like - a lot - loves cats. You better think hard because it's not going to change.
Pedegru
7 years, 5 months ago
Pedegru posted:
Then, does she like a long-hair, short-hair, no-hair? Think about having that kind of Pet around you 24-7 and are you sure, in the sea of possibilities, that she's really the one if that hairy, cranky, possessive Cat sees you as nothing more than 'in the way'.
Get to larger animals, like horses, and let me just tell you, that's a life-style my friend. With all the bells-and-whistles you had better like almost daily visits to the feed store a
Pedegru
7 years, 5 months ago
Pedegru posted:
Bottom line is this, if you don't like animal in lose proximity on a 24-7 basis not only should the person you're thinking about dating know this - you really owe this epiphany. Trust me, it'll only come out in spades later.
We feel this is where Pedegru can play such a magnificent role. When you create your 'Family' page (meaning you and your Pets) and you include in your Profile that you're open to dating, people will be able to search for 'dating', narrow by 'Users', narrow by animal type (right down to Breed) and narrow by location. But you can certainly keep it at least Species Specific.
Doug is a great example. If you live in the Tacoma, Washington, area and like Pet Rats he might just be the perfect fit for you! check him out...
http://www.pedegru.com/user/doug-hernendez
Pedegru
7 years, 5 months ago
Equestrian Dating: Competing For Attention was added to BestInShow.
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